Tyler, I like in your introduction you gave us a recap of who you are and what it's about. It seems like the 2nd paragraph could come across as a run-on sentence, and be considered a bit redundant. It may help clarify a bit more to see if there are better rewording opportunities like "These stories will be my interpretations of the Epics we read in class. I may stay true to the story line, or choose to make some deviations as I see fit" or something. Moving on to your story, I think it was really original how you thought to change it to a modern day, relatable, situation. I also did a story on this (using my cats) so I definitely understood the flow of what you were trying to say. I wonder if Steven and Karen were used to Brooke being like that, or what they thought she was going on about. Did they think it was a real emergency? Did they know she was just excited about something? It would be interesting to know more about their relationships with each other. What if you added a it more detail? It could help set the scene. In the original story the reader knew what the Rabbit was going on about from the start, here we didn't know what Brooke was going on about until the end. I had so much fun reading this!
Hi Tyler! If I recall correctly, I don’t think an Introduction page is needed for a portfolio, only for a storybook (but I could be wrong). This information could be useful if placed on the home page too! I think it would spice up your page a little bit to have titles related to your story. For the first story, the first sentence could use a comma after Brooke to make reading the sentence easier. Also “rolling over” is in a different tense than the rest of the story, which seems to be past tense. You might center “OMG! OMG! OMG!” in quotation marks so we know it is what Brooke is saying. There are a few run-on sentences throughout. I love the idea of this story though because fall is approaching and Starbucks is all about fall right now. Other than a few technical details, I really liked the story and the lesson of the story. I love the detail at the end where Karen looks over the top of her glasses like a wise old grandma.
Hi Tyler! I really like the look of your homepage. The banner image you've selected does a great job setting the mood for your project. I also like the fact that you've included an introduction for your Portfolio. Adding that bit of information and context helps your readers get into the flow of your projects and stories. And speaking of, The Pumpkin Spice Queen is just way too much fun! I love how you reworked the story to be about a lack of fact checking instead of thinking the world was ending. That was very clever and rather poignant considering the world today. You're also the second person to mention Chicken Little in regards to "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit." I hadn't thought about that comparison / parallel but it makes total and complete sense. Are you a big coffee person? I prefer tea myself. My only suggestion would be to use the name of your story in the links in the banner.
Hi Tyler! I liked your addition of an introduction. I do not think they are necessary for a portfolio, though I’m not doing one, so it’s possible I’m wrong! Nevertheless, I found it to be useful information. I appreciate that you gave the reader a little bit of what to expect should they read further. I liked your first story a lot. It was fun, and I can tell that you were having fun writing it. I always think that makes it more enjoyable for us to read. Your story is very creative. It flows well, and the bit of humor here and there is nice to see! I’ve never really thought about the Chicken Little comparison, but I can see it now! The modern setting is nice and adds a nice little bit of a twist to the original tale. Great story! I’m excited to see what else you write!
Hi Tyler! I enjoyed reading your informational introductions, I know most people don't have one but I think its a nice touch to your blog. It gave me a little insight on what to expect while reading your stories and I enjoyed it. I love this story and ive seen a few people do remakes on it but I think I like this one the best. This is more relatable then "the sky is falling." So I think it was a great way to "spice" up this story so well done. Your details were also nice and made the story flow better then just saying " this happen, then this, then this." Your story didnt seem rushed, It was very lovely and also made me giggle a little. Well DONE!
Hi Tyler, I had previously read your first story and commented that I enjoy your modernization of these indian epics; this is still true. The story of the hundred questions was a fascinating part of the Mahabharata that many in the class took interest in, and your restructuring works well! I particularly like that you made most of the members of the party get the questions right, and only a few ignore the warnings of the question giver. In the original story, I felt that at least a few of the brothers would have had more sense! One question I have is to why the bartender gives questions for seats? I know it's just a story but a good question to answer. I noticed that there were a few areas that had some grammatical errors, but overall, I enjoy your writing style and the story and look forward to more modernizations!
Hi Tyler! I enjoyed your stories. I remember reading them the first time. I'm not sure if the Intro is needed or not in the Portfolio. I'm doing a storybook and I know it's necessary for ours. Anyway, I enjoyed the first story very much. I like that the moral of the story at the end is "Just because something is on Facebook doesn't make it true." I can't tell you how many times my Dad has read something on Facebook assuming it was true. People put fake stuff/hoaxes on there all the time. One suggestion I have is to read each story aloud slowly, there are some minor mistakes that I think you'll be able to catch that way. For instance, in The Fate of Five Friends, I think the bar you're talking about is O'Connell's? There are also a few areas where a person would naturally pause that could use commas. Overall though they're entertaining stories and I enjoyed reading them. Keep up the hard work!
Hello, Just want to quickly say your website looks pretty cool! I love the way you made it easy find each tab to go to. Your introduction is very interesting. It is rather vague not giving away any detail but that you will be rewriting stories. I think perhaps give a bit more detail on what the stories will be about so that the reader can get hooked and dive in. I think that your first story was amazing. I liked the structure of it and how it read! It was odd I felt as though I kind of knew what the story was about but wasn’t sure till the end. I laughed when her friend mentioned how not everything on Facebook is true. It made me think of my grandmother who believes everything she reads on the internet and Facebook. The second story I was more familiar with because of many times I read the Mahabharata. I think this story also was well written!
Hi Tyler! I read you Pumpkin Spice Queen story. It made me laugh….a lot. Not going to lie, I may or may not be that person that waits all year for the PSL to come out! Almost immediately I knew which story you were retelling. I think this is probably one of the most popular stories retold for our class, but I find it so interesting that there are so many different versions. I think you did a great job retelling it in a way that fits into our world in modern times. A lot of people, like myself, can relate to this version. I only have a few minor suggestions. The first would be your banner picture, it’s a bit blurry so it doesn’t translate real well. You might see if you can find a higher resolution picture? I know that can be difficult because I have to do this with mine too. The other suggestion I would make is adding a link to your comment wall on each story. It makes it easier to add comments for the reader instead of having to navigate to another page to find the link. Just a thought though. Overall, I liked your page. The aesthetics are nice and I like that you included more than one picture throughout the story. Great job!
Hi, Tyler! I really enjoyed reading your portfolio! My first story that I read was the, “Pumpkin Spice Queen”. I thought your use of Brooke repeatedly saying that they, “have to go now,” really added to the suspense of the story. I thought this was a really cute, modern take on “The Foolish, Timid Rabbit”! I thought your use of images was really well done too! In your second story, I noticed that Brooke and Steven were also characters. Are these the same Brooke and Steven from the previous story? That is so fun! I thought your second story was also a great modern setting of the Hundred Questions story. Such great creativity you have! I love that you carry the same characters from Story 2 to Story 3. I think this really adds a nice element of consistency throughout your Portfolio. It might be fun to add the titles of your stories to the tool bar instead of just “Story #”. Your titles are so fun! Overall great job!
Hey Tyler! I read all three of your stories as I had not yet visited your page. Your retelling of "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit" was very creative. I don't think I've seen a retelling quite as innovative as yours. I thought the author's note was a good, quick introduction to why you wrote the story, what it is based off of, and another common story that everyone knows (Chicken Little). I then read your second story. I thought the author's note for this one was really good too. It was short and to the point, but that's what I like to read. You laid out the information we needed then gave us an interesting fact about the naming of Norman. I also liked your Story Three. My only concern with the author's note is that it did not include much information about your sources. However, it did link to all of your sources which means that readers could learn if they wanted to. Overall, great project!
Hey Tyler, out of your three stories, I chose to read The Pumpkin Spice Queen story and story three. I liked them both honestly! I liked the pumpkin spice one the most because you related it to modern time! I have experienced this happening before, so it made me laugh. In the story, I loved how you used the dialogue to express that Brooke needed to leave immediately to get her pumpkin spice. Not only that but great job on keeping the original storyline because I knew which story you were writing over when I was reading through it. As for your third story, I suggest adding a title, so your readers will know what you are writing about! I liked how you added an introduction page, although you did not need to for the portfolio project. Also, when you used "Story 1, Story 2, Story 3" in the navigation bar, I suggest changing it to your title, so when people come to your page, they get an inkling of what the story is going to be about. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your stories! Keep up the great work.
Hi Tyler! I came back to read your third story. I enjoyed this one. It was interesting the the friend group was so serious about that pact. I can't believe the guy got the rest of the group in trouble just because he was jealous! I like how you based it on the story of how Amba was rejected. I had no idea that's what the story was based on until I read your author's note. I always felt bad for what happened to her. I enjoyed that you broke the story into several paragrapjs, it made it flow better and it makes it easier to read. One suggestion that I have, the pictures for the banners look a bit grainy. It's a minor thing though. I hope you've had fun doing this project. Keep up the hard work, you're almost done with this semester!I still keep laughing over the Pumpkin Spice story.
Hi Tyler! I had not come across your storybook page so far but I was really happy I finally did. The image of the horses and chariots is really beautiful. However, it does look a bit pixelated so you might want to try and find a clearer version of the picture. It really made me interested into what the theme of your project was and what I was going to be reading throughout it. I really loved your story about The Pumpkin Spice Queen. It was really modern and fun to read. The story had a nice flow to it and was interesting. The introduction page is very helpful and I really liked that you added it in. I like how all the stories are so orginial and have their own feel. It really makes this portfolio fun to read and able to keep the readers attention. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
This is the first time I am seeing your portfolio, so I will leave some pretty general comments that will help when doing final revisions. Overall, I love how clean you page is. Everything is in the similar style/font and it is easy to navigate without many distractions. One thing that was noticeable was that a lot of your pictures was fairly blurry. It took away from the overall portfolio, so if you know a way to make those less blurry, it would be great. I also noticed that you used the same picture for the second and third story. I would find another picture for one of the stories. I like how you used multiple photos on the story so that it create some relief. I also like how you kept each story to one side and filled the other space with photos. Overall, I really enjoyed your portfolio and I may come back to read your stories to comment more.
Hi Tyler! I think you did a really great job with the whole creative writing thing, despite what your author's note claimed in your second portfolio story. I really liked how you wrote your third story as a sequel to the second. It worked really well! It is like a small storybook within your portfolio, and I loved getting an update on the characters you wrote about in the second story. Also, your banner images are pretty pixelated, so maybe try to get clearer images so they make your website look cleaner and don't distract the reader. I really enjoyed looking through your portfolio, Tyler, and I am excited to see any revisions you may make to the stories in it! If not, since it's toward the end of the semester, I think that your portfolio turned out really well and that it's a great final project! If this is it, I hope you have a great rest of 2019!
Hi Tyler! This is my first time visiting your portfolio page and I am impressed by your work! The first thing I noticed when I visited your page is your image. I really like the one you chose and think it fits your theme well! I also like how the title stood out on each page. The overall layout was very neat and professional looking. The only thing I did notice was that some of the images on certain pages looked a little blurry but overall it looked good! I like that in your introduction you wrote a little about yourself too. As far as your stories, I thought they were all very creative and fun to read. I think my favorite was Pumpkin Spice Queen because I was interested as soon as I saw the title. I think you did a great job putting a modern twist on each of your stories.
Tyler,
ReplyDeleteI like in your introduction you gave us a recap of who you are and what it's about. It seems like the 2nd paragraph could come across as a run-on sentence, and be considered a bit redundant. It may help clarify a bit more to see if there are better rewording opportunities like "These stories will be my interpretations of the Epics we read in class. I may stay true to the story line, or choose to make some deviations as I see fit" or something.
Moving on to your story, I think it was really original how you thought to change it to a modern day, relatable, situation. I also did a story on this (using my cats) so I definitely understood the flow of what you were trying to say. I wonder if Steven and Karen were used to Brooke being like that, or what they thought she was going on about. Did they think it was a real emergency? Did they know she was just excited about something? It would be interesting to know more about their relationships with each other. What if you added a it more detail? It could help set the scene. In the original story the reader knew what the Rabbit was going on about from the start, here we didn't know what Brooke was going on about until the end. I had so much fun reading this!
Hi Tyler!
ReplyDeleteIf I recall correctly, I don’t think an Introduction page is needed for a portfolio, only for a storybook (but I could be wrong). This information could be useful if placed on the home page too! I think it would spice up your page a little bit to have titles related to your story. For the first story, the first sentence could use a comma after Brooke to make reading the sentence easier. Also “rolling over” is in a different tense than the rest of the story, which seems to be past tense. You might center “OMG! OMG! OMG!” in quotation marks so we know it is what Brooke is saying. There are a few run-on sentences throughout. I love the idea of this story though because fall is approaching and Starbucks is all about fall right now. Other than a few technical details, I really liked the story and the lesson of the story. I love the detail at the end where Karen looks over the top of her glasses like a wise old grandma.
Hi Tyler! I really like the look of your homepage. The banner image you've selected does a great job setting the mood for your project. I also like the fact that you've included an introduction for your Portfolio. Adding that bit of information and context helps your readers get into the flow of your projects and stories. And speaking of, The Pumpkin Spice Queen is just way too much fun! I love how you reworked the story to be about a lack of fact checking instead of thinking the world was ending. That was very clever and rather poignant considering the world today. You're also the second person to mention Chicken Little in regards to "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit." I hadn't thought about that comparison / parallel but it makes total and complete sense. Are you a big coffee person? I prefer tea myself. My only suggestion would be to use the name of your story in the links in the banner.
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I liked your addition of an introduction. I do not think they are necessary for a portfolio, though I’m not doing one, so it’s possible I’m wrong! Nevertheless, I found it to be useful information. I appreciate that you gave the reader a little bit of what to expect should they read further. I liked your first story a lot. It was fun, and I can tell that you were having fun writing it. I always think that makes it more enjoyable for us to read. Your story is very creative. It flows well, and the bit of humor here and there is nice to see! I’ve never really thought about the Chicken Little comparison, but I can see it now! The modern setting is nice and adds a nice little bit of a twist to the original tale. Great story! I’m excited to see what else you write!
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I enjoyed reading your informational introductions, I know most people don't have one but I think its a nice touch to your blog. It gave me a little insight on what to expect while reading your stories and I enjoyed it. I love this story and ive seen a few people do remakes on it but I think I like this one the best. This is more relatable then "the sky is falling." So I think it was a great way to "spice" up this story so well done. Your details were also nice and made the story flow better then just saying " this happen, then this, then this." Your story didnt seem rushed, It was very lovely and also made me giggle a little. Well DONE!
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler, I had previously read your first story and commented that I enjoy your modernization of these indian epics; this is still true. The story of the hundred questions was a fascinating part of the Mahabharata that many in the class took interest in, and your restructuring works well! I particularly like that you made most of the members of the party get the questions right, and only a few ignore the warnings of the question giver. In the original story, I felt that at least a few of the brothers would have had more sense! One question I have is to why the bartender gives questions for seats? I know it's just a story but a good question to answer. I noticed that there were a few areas that had some grammatical errors, but overall, I enjoy your writing style and the story and look forward to more modernizations!
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I enjoyed your stories. I remember reading them the first time. I'm not sure if the Intro is needed or not in the Portfolio. I'm doing a storybook and I know it's necessary for ours. Anyway, I enjoyed the first story very much. I like that the moral of the story at the end is "Just because something is on Facebook doesn't make it true." I can't tell you how many times my Dad has read something on Facebook assuming it was true. People put fake stuff/hoaxes on there all the time. One suggestion I have is to read each story aloud slowly, there are some minor mistakes that I think you'll be able to catch that way. For instance, in The Fate of Five Friends, I think the bar you're talking about is O'Connell's? There are also a few areas where a person would naturally pause that could use commas. Overall though they're entertaining stories and I enjoyed reading them. Keep up the hard work!
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteJust want to quickly say your website looks pretty cool! I love the way you made it easy find each tab to go to. Your introduction is very interesting. It is rather vague not giving away any detail but that you will be rewriting stories. I think perhaps give a bit more detail on what the stories will be about so that the reader can get hooked and dive in. I think that your first story was amazing. I liked the structure of it and how it read! It was odd I felt as though I kind of knew what the story was about but wasn’t sure till the end. I laughed when her friend mentioned how not everything on Facebook is true. It made me think of my grandmother who believes everything she reads on the internet and Facebook. The second story I was more familiar with because of many times I read the Mahabharata. I think this story also was well written!
Hi Tyler!
ReplyDeleteI read you Pumpkin Spice Queen story. It made me laugh….a lot. Not going to lie, I may or may not be that person that waits all year for the PSL to come out! Almost immediately I knew which story you were retelling. I think this is probably one of the most popular stories retold for our class, but I find it so interesting that there are so many different versions. I think you did a great job retelling it in a way that fits into our world in modern times. A lot of people, like myself, can relate to this version. I only have a few minor suggestions. The first would be your banner picture, it’s a bit blurry so it doesn’t translate real well. You might see if you can find a higher resolution picture? I know that can be difficult because I have to do this with mine too. The other suggestion I would make is adding a link to your comment wall on each story. It makes it easier to add comments for the reader instead of having to navigate to another page to find the link. Just a thought though. Overall, I liked your page. The aesthetics are nice and I like that you included more than one picture throughout the story. Great job!
Hi, Tyler! I really enjoyed reading your portfolio! My first story that I read was the, “Pumpkin Spice Queen”. I thought your use of Brooke repeatedly saying that they, “have to go now,” really added to the suspense of the story. I thought this was a really cute, modern take on “The Foolish, Timid Rabbit”! I thought your use of images was really well done too! In your second story, I noticed that Brooke and Steven were also characters. Are these the same Brooke and Steven from the previous story? That is so fun! I thought your second story was also a great modern setting of the Hundred Questions story. Such great creativity you have! I love that you carry the same characters from Story 2 to Story 3. I think this really adds a nice element of consistency throughout your Portfolio. It might be fun to add the titles of your stories to the tool bar instead of just “Story #”. Your titles are so fun! Overall great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Tyler! I read all three of your stories as I had not yet visited your page. Your retelling of "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit" was very creative. I don't think I've seen a retelling quite as innovative as yours. I thought the author's note was a good, quick introduction to why you wrote the story, what it is based off of, and another common story that everyone knows (Chicken Little). I then read your second story. I thought the author's note for this one was really good too. It was short and to the point, but that's what I like to read. You laid out the information we needed then gave us an interesting fact about the naming of Norman. I also liked your Story Three. My only concern with the author's note is that it did not include much information about your sources. However, it did link to all of your sources which means that readers could learn if they wanted to. Overall, great project!
ReplyDeleteHey Tyler, out of your three stories, I chose to read The Pumpkin Spice Queen story and story three. I liked them both honestly! I liked the pumpkin spice one the most because you related it to modern time! I have experienced this happening before, so it made me laugh. In the story, I loved how you used the dialogue to express that Brooke needed to leave immediately to get her pumpkin spice. Not only that but great job on keeping the original storyline because I knew which story you were writing over when I was reading through it. As for your third story, I suggest adding a title, so your readers will know what you are writing about! I liked how you added an introduction page, although you did not need to for the portfolio project. Also, when you used "Story 1, Story 2, Story 3" in the navigation bar, I suggest changing it to your title, so when people come to your page, they get an inkling of what the story is going to be about. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your stories! Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I came back to read your third story. I enjoyed this one. It was interesting the the friend group was so serious about that pact. I can't believe the guy got the rest of the group in trouble just because he was jealous! I like how you based it on the story of how Amba was rejected. I had no idea that's what the story was based on until I read your author's note. I always felt bad for what happened to her. I enjoyed that you broke the story into several paragrapjs, it made it flow better and it makes it easier to read. One suggestion that I have, the pictures for the banners look a bit grainy. It's a minor thing though. I hope you've had fun doing this project. Keep up the hard work, you're almost done with this semester!I still keep laughing over the Pumpkin Spice story.
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I had not come across your storybook page so far but I was really happy I finally did. The image of the horses and chariots is really beautiful. However, it does look a bit pixelated so you might want to try and find a clearer version of the picture. It really made me interested into what the theme of your project was and what I was going to be reading throughout it. I really loved your story about The Pumpkin Spice Queen. It was really modern and fun to read. The story had a nice flow to it and was interesting. The introduction page is very helpful and I really liked that you added it in. I like how all the stories are so orginial and have their own feel. It really makes this portfolio fun to read and able to keep the readers attention. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Tyler!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I am seeing your portfolio, so I will leave some pretty general comments that will help when doing final revisions. Overall, I love how clean you page is. Everything is in the similar style/font and it is easy to navigate without many distractions. One thing that was noticeable was that a lot of your pictures was fairly blurry. It took away from the overall portfolio, so if you know a way to make those less blurry, it would be great. I also noticed that you used the same picture for the second and third story. I would find another picture for one of the stories. I like how you used multiple photos on the story so that it create some relief. I also like how you kept each story to one side and filled the other space with photos. Overall, I really enjoyed your portfolio and I may come back to read your stories to comment more.
Hi Tyler! I think you did a really great job with the whole creative writing thing, despite what your author's note claimed in your second portfolio story. I really liked how you wrote your third story as a sequel to the second. It worked really well! It is like a small storybook within your portfolio, and I loved getting an update on the characters you wrote about in the second story. Also, your banner images are pretty pixelated, so maybe try to get clearer images so they make your website look cleaner and don't distract the reader. I really enjoyed looking through your portfolio, Tyler, and I am excited to see any revisions you may make to the stories in it! If not, since it's toward the end of the semester, I think that your portfolio turned out really well and that it's a great final project! If this is it, I hope you have a great rest of 2019!
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! This is my first time visiting your portfolio page and I am impressed by your work! The first thing I noticed when I visited your page is your image. I really like the one you chose and think it fits your theme well! I also like how the title stood out on each page. The overall layout was very neat and professional looking. The only thing I did notice was that some of the images on certain pages looked a little blurry but overall it looked good! I like that in your introduction you wrote a little about yourself too. As far as your stories, I thought they were all very creative and fun to read. I think my favorite was Pumpkin Spice Queen because I was interested as soon as I saw the title. I think you did a great job putting a modern twist on each of your stories.
ReplyDelete